Whenever I eat lunch outside of the Union, I’m always a bit nervous.
Y’see, birds freak me out. The shifty movement of their heads. The sudden jump into flight. The high pitched flatulence of a pigeon’s call. I don’t trust them. I’ve nearly been hit too many times by these winged demons to feel anything other than contempt.
I think they can feel my hate.
Today I ate at a table outside of the Union because the weather was particularly nice. Apparently the birds had the same idea. More so than usual, that is.
As I sat eating my chicken sandwich and reading Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut, I hear laughing from a table across from me. I looked up from my book to see a group of men chuckling over a group of birds’ squabble over a piece of pizza. Or I guess it would be a flock. Anyway, it was a humorous sight. One of the birds dragged the piece several feet away with them trailing. I chuckled, then frowned a bit, then went back to my book. I made my way through several pages.
WHAM! Something had slammed down on my table. Startled, I looked up. I saw the chunk of pizza lying a foot away from me and a bird just beyond it. For a moment there, I swear that bird looked right into my eyes, as if to say, “Next time I won’t miss.” It then flew away.
The men from the table saw it happen and continued laughing. I eyed them curiously, wondering if they had had something to do with it, some sort of sinister connection to the birds. I finished my lunch quickly and left.
Wait a minute. I just had a sudden epiphany. Was the chicken sandwich the cause of all this trouble? Had they seen me repeatedly coming back to this spot, feasting upon their cousins? Were they trying to get back at me? Was this a warning for what is to come? I’d meant to pack a bagel for lunch, but I was just too lazy. Damn it! Will a bagel, or lack thereof, be the cause of my eventual demise?
If, in the future, I were to disappear, I suggest following the trail of feathers.