**In the wake of the James Frey scandal, I should warn you that the following entry is only partially true.**
The night feels odd as I sit down at my computer to check my usual slew of websites: Hotmail, Myspace, Channel 101, Facebook. When I get to the Facebook, I feel the air change. Something is amiss.
I click on “View My Profile” to see if anyone has left any messages on my “wall.” When I get there, I find only the leftover comments from previous conversations. My profile does not appear to have been tampered with. And yet it feels as if I’ve stepped through a door into someone else’s world.
I then click on “View My Friends” to see who has recently updated their profiles. To see what new music, books, movies they enjoy and to catch up on the halves of conversations with other friends from other schools. The page comes up.
The first name on the list is a “Brittany Castaneda” from Harvard.
“That’s weird,” I say. “She doesn’t look familiar. Must be one of those random people who tries to add as many people as possible so that they look popular.”
I scroll down a little farther.
“Wait a minute. Lisa Gordon? Joseph Green?” I scroll down the entire list. “All of these people are from Harvard! Where have all my friends gone?!” I exclaim.
In a frenzy of panic, I reload the page over and over. Each time I find that nothing has changed. Unfamiliar faces stare back at me, some smiling, some laughing, some skewed at an angle that says “I’m lonely, pay attention to me!”
I begin to worry, (“if I am looking at someone else’s profile, then they must be looking at mine!”) frozen with the fear (“oh my god”) of my whole identity (“what’s happening?!”) being ripped right out of my (“where is everyone?!”) mind.
“Calm down,” the rational being inside of me says. “Surely, it’s just a glitch. Facebook has had problems before, they’re having problems now. No need to freak out. Order will be restored soon.”
“But what if it’s not!”, says the anxiety-ridden demon that rules my thoughts more and more each day. “Harvard students are smart! What if one of them needed to steal my identity! What if they plan on replacing me and forcing me into their life!”
“It’s just Facebook. Even if someone were to steal your Facebook profile, there’s no way they could take over your life or make you become who they are.”
“WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!!! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR CONTROL! YOU’RE OUT OF HERE!!”
At this point, the anxiety demon has thrown the rational being out of their “Odd Couple-esque” home inside my mind. The loss of his control causes me to black out as the fog of anxiety blankets my thoughts.
Sometime over the course of the next ten minutes, the anxiety demon reloads my friends list. To his surprise, he finds that it has been restored.
“Zac! Justin! Robert! Chelsea! Michael! You’re back!” A door opens and shuts inside the demon’s home. He spins around to see who is there.
“Jeffrey! You’ve returned! How did you know to come back?”
Jeffrey replies, “I knew it would be fixed soon enough and you would calm down. It just took a little rational thought, Stephen.”
Stephen smiles and cocks his head to one side pleadingly. “I’m sorry, Jeff.”
“I know, Stephen.” Jeffrey places his hand on Stephen’s arm for just a moment and then walks into the kitchen.
Jeffrey makes some coffee and when he returns, the two of them sit on their couch together. Soon they find themselves laughing over the night’s events.
I then snap out of this ridiculous daydream that seems to have slight homosexual undertones and decide it is time for bed.
“Goodnight, Jeff.”
“Goodnight, Stephen.”
Goodnight, world.
What a weird blog entry.
P.S. Did I just say blog?!!